Morning came. It was time to get up and put on a new face. It wasn't necessarily new but to her, it felt new every single time. It wasn't the exciting, happy kind of new but just functionally new.
I don't want to get up.
It was a struggle every morning. Every day. Every evening. Every second and every hour. Putting up a front was exhausting but what were the alternatives? Talking? What a joke...
There's no need to bother them. There's no point to.
It was like walking through sludge. Her favorite hobbies were becoming burdens. The shame of her tools scattered everywhere, collecting dust, was haunting her. It was as if the objects had voices that taunted her every time she dared to glance towards them.
I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to feel this way.
She had a good life. Good parents. Siblings that she can actually call friends. Everything seemed good on the outside. Her mask betrayed nothing. It never did but she was slowly dying on the inside if not already dead.
Why am I crying? What's wrong with me?
Nothing should be wrong but she knew something is. It wasn't anything she could openly talk about lest she receives an unsavory response or one of the usual ones.
'What are you so mopy about?' 'Just think happy thoughts' 'It's probably temporary'
They don't understand. I can't make them understand.
The loneliness of it all is crushing. It was like living in a soundproof bubble that had a two-way mirror. The world was passing by around her with no care.
If I smile enough, no one's going to notice...
It was better that way. She hated being pitied. People pretend to care sometimes to make themselves feel better and she didn't care much for that. It was better to suffer in silence like she always does and always will.
No one needs to know. What will they think of me?
'Stop being such a crybaby.'
Yeah. That's probably what it is. The worst that her mind comes up with plagues her every moment of every day. The worst that her body's reaction to it destroys her, making her limbs feel like solid stone and her muscles like nonfunctioning slime... She's just being a crybaby.