Random Thoughts

I've been nervous about this. I'm not sure why as I've been enjoying blogging for the short time I've been doing it. It's nice to be able to just put your thoughts out there and be met with like minded people but the idea of just putting thoughts in words; it's relaxing to say the least. I haven't posted in a while, not since July and I'm not sure why. My fear and nervousness has returned to me after not blogging for so long. As you can see, I'm in a new space. One that I love and enjoy. It's a bit lifeless at the moment as I am still figuring out my way around this place.

Read More

Announcement!

I am happy to announce that my blog is now self-hosted! It was a random step really and a big one. A few days ago, I decided I wanted to buy a domain and put my blog on a website. I want this website to have everything about me from my writing, my blogging, my graphic design and even my crafting. I wanted to mash everything that is me into one place. I guess it's like a mark of a new beginning. A step towards a certain direction that could be wrong or could be right, who knows?  

Without further ado, I give you my website:

www.franticfox.com

and I hope you can join me on this journey of growth and self-discovery.

Thank you all for your continuing support and participation.

I am Foolish...

There’s nothing worse than overestimating your value to someone and fooling yourself into thinking you’re special. We argued again about the same things we always argue about. I accuse him of not teaching me better and he accuses me of not taking advantage of given opportunities but never once does he ask how or why or what. He never asks why I feel the way I do or if there is a better way he could help me understand. It is always about him being right and me being wrong. It’s been a few days now and we’re still ignoring each other; at least I’d like to think that he cares enough about me to ignore me. I know I’m ignoring him completely.. er.. somewhat. Maybe he doesn’t care at all and I’m just lying to myself.  

 

Does he think about me; about how we’re not speaking? I know I do..

 

He always tells me how I’m his queen and how talented I am and how much I have potential but when push comes to shove he just wants me to be like him, exactly like him. Often times it feels like I’m trying to fit myself in a skin suit that doesn’t belong to me. If I’m being honest with myself, I’d say I hate that he’s ignoring me and I him. I hate that messaging him would mean that I’ve lost some sort of unspoken battle between us and messaging him first would mean that I am weak and lack dignity or self-esteem. I hate that he’s involved with everyone else but me.

Read More

Milestones - 2014

Recently, I've felt as though my life has come to stagnant halt. My days have become boring and nothing more than monotonous, repetitive routine of doing nothing but sitting in bed all day and wasting time on the internet. After graduating college, I thought my life was going to be exciting. I had my degree in one hand and great plans in the other and I was quick to look for jobs, eager to start my career in Graphic Design. A few years down the line, mainly two, and here I am, a 24-year-old girl stuck at home with nothing to do but dream of plans and projects and a bright future absent the confidence and motivation to take charge and make things happen for herself. When did I become this person? How did I become this person? All my life I've been dependent on someone to do things for me and it turned me into this lazy, self-conscious person with no real social skills to speak of. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself but sometimes discovering the truth is usually harsh and difficult to accept. After a year of working with someone who I felt was constantly pushing me down, I realized how much of a push over I really was. I allowed a person to walk all over me, to silence my voice and impede my growth and progress but then I stood up and decided that enough was enough.

You know how they say about each ending marking a new beginning? The next few months after I left my magazine, what felt like the only major thing I'll ever be a part of or create, life slowed down to a near stop. My days grew boring and time was wasting. I felt myself withering away into nothing until an opportunity presented itself. My younger brother was planning to go to Japan to study but instead he switched to the USA and I realized that I can go with him. I can go to graduate school. So, I started researching the matter, my other brother was already there attending VCU and my sister was going to UVA so why shouldn't I get the chance to go to? My heart raced with the growing excitement and increased nervousness. The prospect of going to another country, to a different culture, to a place that is usually afraid of people like me, is frightening. All the stories I've heard, the stuff in the news, one could only imagine what's going on in my mind!

Read More