When life gives you lemonsRead more
Have you ever felt that feeling that when your partner is spending time with someone you just knew that that's going to be his next partner? He started hanging out with this girl who played hard to get. She was better at holding his attention. She was a lot more interesting. She was feisty and participated in his activities and didn't focus so much on emotions. She was very resisting of my partner's charms so it made her all the more appealing to him.
I grew upset and sad, I became more and more self-conscious the more I saw them spend time together. He did things with her that he'd never do with me or for me even if it was just pretend and I felt like nothing, it was like I was worthless, and I was getting desperate for his attention to the point where I let him mold and twist my character into whatever he wanted.
A strange feeling grew in the pit of my stomach, twisting and knotting away into emotions I didn’t understand. All I knew is that I was getting more and more upset. Feeling this way made me feel petty and stupid, like a twelve year old plotting another girl’s death for approaching her crush. I felt like shit over nothing.
It was nothing because I shouldn’t have felt bad over someone who thought it was okay to behave that way. Who knew it would greatly be upsetting for me for him to do the things he did. I shouldn’t have been upset over someone that didn’t appreciate me and instead decided to make me feel bad for the way I felt. Maybe I should have broken up with him first. I allowed myself to be manipulated and changed according to what he desired while the whole time he chased after another girl’s tail. I used to be so angry at the girl but in the end I knew it wasn’t her fault. It never was.